A Calvinist Prayer.....

I really wish I could take credit for coming up with this idea, but fellow believer and moral government preacher Jesse Morrell actually is the one I need to give credit to. I changed the prayer somewhat so to make it more general, but I saw this on Jesse's Theology Message Board and although it is satirical, it is indeed very effective. If you take the heresy of Calvinism to its most logical point this should really be the prayer Calvinist should be praying (and maybe they are?). But alas, Calvinist are always living totally inconsistent with their theology and this a tongue-in-cheek example of why Calvinism is so horrible and false.

"Oh, Father, I thank you that you didn't predestine me to believe in some doctrine other than Calvinism, like you predestined so many others . I thank you that you didn't predestine me to sin and go to hell like you predestined the majority of mankind to. I thank you for your limited grace, I thank you for your small mercy. I love the doctrine of Original Sin that you made us sinners in the womb, and that you send so many to hell for being what you made them. I love the doctrines of Total Depravity, that you command of us to do what you don't give us the ability to do, and threatening us with eternal hell for failure to perform the impossible. What marvelous grace! What blessed truth, that you cause us to sin (through your secret decrees and mysteries, ssshhh!) and then punish us for it! Thank you inventing so many evil atrocities such as rape, murder, and abortion just so in the end it will make us appreciate you more and it will somehow mysteriously bring more "glory" to you. Yes, we are unable to understand your ways, but hey you predestined us this way. In the end Lord, thank you for electing me and making me so very very very special. I just don't understand why everyone else doesn't rejoice at these blessed doctrines of Calvinism like I do? I guess they are all reprobates, and I'm just special. AMEN!